We got a big episode this week! Two whole uninterrupted hours of Jack driving while talking on his Bluetooth headset.

First off, no bomb went off this episode. Whew. This is thanks to the two dudes working for President Taylor who were going against her orders. She was all like “we don’t give into terrorist demands and besides the dude they want us to give up is kind of nice” while they were all like “yeah, but nuclear bomb”. Both arguments were pretty sound.

24 isn’t a stranger to presidents refusing to give into terrorist demands. To my knowledge, only President Palmer ever gave in, but that was to buy Jack time to fly in on a jet pack and karate chop a dude’s head off. Or maybe for some other reason. Honestly, after eight seasons I’m lucky to even remember President Palmer’s name.

So the two dudes betray President Taylor and give the terrorists who they want, the Fake-Iran President. Last episode they sent some mercenaries to kidnap him from his bodyguards. This episode, realizing a bunch of people are going to die if he doesn’t, Fake-Iran President does the noble thing and goes with the mercenary.

Then a bunch of stuff happens and Fake-Iran President is killed live on “the internet”. The villains of 24 are always broadcasting their evil deeds live on the internet, like they’re just so certain everyone can’t wait to watch their Ustream. I like to pretend they’ve got nothing but a sad YouTube channel with no more than a few comments from their mothers.

Jack is really good at knowing when there is a spy at CTU (it’s happened so many times he can just FEEL IT now). So he gets his BFF Chloe to look at a cell phone and find out who it last called. Because that person is the spy! Us viewers already know who the spy is so Chloe looks at some papers, which I suppose a viewer mailed her, and tells everyone else.

The spy is Starbuck! There is a chase, some gun shots, and then Starbucks fiance looks like he’s going to shoot her in the face but changes his mind.

Meanwhile, because the terrorists got Fake-Iran President they decide to give up the bomb. They had to, because that’s what they said they’d do. Terrorists are bound by their word. Also, if you can guess their name, a terrorist will grant you a wish.

Anyway, one of the mercenaries is left with the bomb awaiting the bomb squad. You know he’s going to be shot and the bomb will be stolen next episode because we are only two thirds through the season. I bet its going to be by the new enemy! Someone who has been pulling the strings all along and everything is now going exactly according to plan. 24 has never (NEVER) done something like that before. Can’t wait.

Anyway, Jack is all like “hey, I’ve done everything I said I was going to do, I should probably be heading back to my family now,” but then Starbuck says the only person she’ll talk to about her spy-antics is him. Thus, keeping Jack in the show for the rest of the season. Nice job, Starbuck.

Twenty-foresight: I’ve been totally desensitized to the threat of a nuclear bomb.

Tags: 24, This Week on 24