I am writing this right now from underneath a blanket fort!

That’s not true.

Blanket forts are goofy. They’re for goofs. I’m too mature for something as ridiculous as a bunch of chairs and blankets used to hide all my toys from my siblings. I’m an adult! I put my toys on display in bookcases!

They’re conversation pieces.

I grew up on Street Fighter II and Super Mario World and to this date I have never kicked someone in the head while spinning like a tornado. Nor have I ever used a cape made out of a feather to fly worse than a tail made out of a leaf.

Man… that feather cape was the pits. Leaf tail or we got no business talking!

Wait, what was I saying… oh yeah! I’ve never done those things so I don’t know why we’re so scared of children imitating violent video games. Of course, this opinion comes from a single adult with no children who likes playing said violent video games with a few roadblocks to them as possible. This may change when I have a child of my own!

Nah, I’m raising my child on a strict diet of Resident Evil 4 and Mortal Kombat.

Man, maybe Wolf and Elf took it a little too far. Also, apparently all of their neighbor’s are monsters or Gods? We know they’re also familiar with Zeus and Thor.

Weird. Weird neighborhood.

I never went out for mischief night but I always romanticized the idea. At the end of the day I was way too much of a ninny to even think about doing a prank to someone but the idea of ruining someone’s day with toilet paper sounded like a blast. Then you grow older. Now I just look at all that wasted toilet paper and pray it’s not 3 ply. Don’t want to waste the good stuff!

I’ve been playing around with different supplies for the past couple of strips. Can you tell?

Horses are beautiful animals which according to the Law of Animal Attractiveness means it would taste awful. Ugly animals always taste the best. Look at the shrimp. LOOK AT IT. It’s a sea bug with a bird wing for a butt. But its the best tasting there there is. Consider the pig and the chicken. Both gross and dumb but taste like bottled optimism.

Man, this post is pretty hard to write. I’ve been a vegetarian for over six years. I’m trying to remember other meats that tasted good but my mind keeps wandering to tofu and a higher moral authority…

Eh whatever. Just don’t eat a horse, OK everyone? They’ve fought in WARS. Give them a break.

Jor-El really rolled the dice when he sent his only son to a planet made up on 3/4′s ocean. And I guess it depends what version of Superman canon you’re using to determine whether or not he’d survive being in the ocean. Would he die because he’s the version who gets all his powers from the sun and starts getting strong around his early teens? Or would he be totally cool because he’s a super smart, indestructible baby?

Unanswerable questions!

There is only one thing we know for certain after reading this comic: The Superman logo is hard to draw consistently.

Hey how about some feet jokes.

Alright everyone, I’ve crunched the numbers and done the math. Here’s the current standing of the best three total-garbage new television shows.

Last Resort > Arrow > Beauty and the Beast

Dang, Last Resort is some great television regardless of what right it might have to be so (none). It’s like it’s fighting its own nature. Some dude tried to make a bad television show so he came up with a lousy premise but then totally botched it on the execution and made some legit entertainment. I can’t figure it out!

Anyway, back to feet jokes. They’re the best. We all know that now.

EVERYBODY FLEX YOUR ABS RIGHT NOW. LET’S GET A GLOBAL AB FLEX GOING RIGHT NOW. STRONG CORES, AROUND THE WORLD!!

Working out can be pretty dumb.

It’s so interesting that muscle men can always find heavy things to lift on the beach. It’s like they were made for each other. Dudes, nature is beautiful.

I’m pretty sure ad’s work, because I always swore I’d never watch Once Upon a Time. Then, I saw a commercial. Another commercial. Suddenly I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It broke me. Now I Internet-stand before you a dude who has seen two episodes and is planning on watching a third.

I don’t even like the show.

For the month of October I’m going to do another weekly story. It’s been a while since I did any strips with the word “Part” in the title. Get stoked for Part 1 next week!

Before we go all crazy, I know I’m combined several zones from Super Mario 3 into that last panel. So BEFORE WE GO ALL CRAZY let’s remember that I combined the best parts of those zones. Namely, the Giant Goomba and the mechanical shoe Mario gets to hop around on. One can hardly blame me for cherry picking the good stuff!

Are Mario and Princess Peach ever going to take their relationship to somewhere solid? Yeah, I’ll admit, I ship Super Mario and Princess Peach. I think they’d be adorable together. Just read me fan fiction about their wedding:

A SUPER MARIO-ATRIMONY

Mario and Princess Peach were getting married. Peach’s dad paid for the wedding but money problems persisted.

“I’m saving up for a new life with Peach, Luigi,” Mario said while his younger brother straighten his tie before they ceremony started. “I’ve got 98 gold coins. Two more and I’ll have enough for a new life for us.”

Luigi, satisfied with Mario’s bowtie, took out a cigarette and lit it. An older member of the church walked by and locked eyes with Luigi. Making a wrinkled face she pointed to the “No Smoking” sign which hung over a crucified Jesus on the wall. Luigi grunted and flicked his half smoked cigarette into the font of holy water by the woman. There was a hiss, but it could have come from either the spent cigarette or the woman. She huffed off and a satisfied Luigi turned to his brother.

“There’s faster ways of making money than jumping down warp pipes, you know.”

Mario had long suspected his brother had his fingers in dirty dealings with the Koopa Kids, but brotherly love kept him from making the eventual confrontation on the subject happen so far. Hoping it would still not happen on his wedding day he moved the topic forward.

“I got to do this the right way, Bro. I mean, come on. It’sa me. Mari0.”

Yeah so it’s still a work in progress, but you get the point.

SPOILER! Toad has been in love with Princess Peach since they were kids!

This could happen to YOU! This is why you should NEVER go to a doctor! Because I might make a comic making fun of you!

You wuss!

I like drawing specific people from memory as characters in LF. It’s how I made one character look like ugly Joel McHale that one time (You’ll have to find that comic on your own). This time I drew a dude from a podcast I listen to as the man in the bear trap. Since, revealing which podcast person was the basis for this ugly man would be mean to the meanest, I’ll just say that Doctor is obviously supposed to be a clown without makeup.

You could all tell that right away, correct? Yes? Yes! Master cartoonist!