Green Arrow (Vol 3) #8

The cover to Grene Arrow (Vol 3) #8
The one with a beard is evil!? They both have beards!
From Series: Green Arrow (Vol 3)

What happened:

Oliver Queen (Green Arrow) and Oliver Queen (Also Green Arrow) meet in heaven because they both died. The end. I don’t want to explain how this happened. No, I’m done. Green Arrow died and had a long talk with himself in heaven, what more do you need? Will knowing why there are two Green Arrow’s make your life better in any way? You could be using that time to learn a skill! Brush up on your Spanish. Read a wikihow on how to repair holes in your jeans. There’s so much more you could do besides learn about the two Green Arrows.

OK, have the weak of heart left?

They have?

Cool. Let’s do this.

So, there is the younger Oliver Queen who has been running around Star City claiming to be Green Arrow even though Green Arrow died in an explosion years ago. There is also an older Oliver Queen who has been enjoying himself very much in heaven. When The Demon Etrigan freaks out when he sees the younger Ollie he burns him up with his fire breath. Fortunately, Hal Jordan, the current host of the all-powerful-voice-of-God The Spectre, uses his powers to save Young Ollie and take him to heaven where he can meet Old Ollie.

But why are there two Ollie’s?! The answer is complicated so grab your Texas Instruments graphing calculator.

When Hal Jordan was good. He was the Green Lantern of Earth. Then Hal Jordan was bad. He started calling himself Parallax and killed a bunch of people. After a while he decided to be good again and sacrificed himself to save the world during the big Final Night event. UNKNOWN TO US UNTIL NOW, right before Hal went to save the world he visited the deceased Ollie in heaven and asked if he would like to come back to life. Since Ollie’s life sucked before he died and he was IN HEAVEN he didn’t want to. His life was bad and heaven is great. Makes complete sense. Hal did not give up that easily though so Ollie offered a horrible macabre compromise which looks into the face of decency and laughs. Instead of Ollie being brought back to life… what if Hal just brought his BODY back to life… as a soulless abomination? Since Hal was still getting used to being a good guy again he didn’t recognize this was stupid and agreed. So young Ollie is the soulless body and old Ollie is the body-less soul.

Back in the world of the living Batman (Bruce Wayne), Black Canary (Dinah Lance), Arsenal (Roy Harper), and Deadman (Boston Brand) manage to subdue Etrigan and turn him back into his human form of Jason Blood. Deadman tells everyone Ollie is safe. With nothing else left for them to do they all just go home.

Ollie returns to the home of Stanley Dover, the old man with whom he has been living since returning to life. Ollie catches Stanley up on events and when he says he has no soul the old traitor conks Ollie unconscious. Ollie wakes up tied to a table alongside his new friend Mia Dearden. Stanley decides to lay all his creep-cards out on the table and show’s he has a terrified boy dressed as a monster trapped in a glass bubble as well. Living with Stanley was a bad choice!

Meanwhile, Connor Hawke wakes up from a nightmare somehow knowing the dad he never met is in trouble.

What I learned:

Jason Blood’s penis is not the size Deadman would like a penis to be.

Creators:
Writer: Kevin Smith
Pencils: Phil Hester
Inker: Ande Park
Colourist: Guy Major
Letterer: Sean Konot
Cover Artist: Matt Wagner
Executive Editor: Mike Carlin
Editors: Michael Wright, Bob Schreck

Jason Blood’s Test – Green Arrow (Vol 3) #6

The cover to Green Arrow (Vol 3) #6
Honestly, it looks like Etrigan has every right to be angry.
From Series: Green Arrow (Vol 3)

What Happened:

Green Arrow (Ollie Queen) and Batman (Bruce Wayne) have been attacked by Etrigan! Etrigan seems to really want Ollie dead without even meeting him first. So we can’t blame Ollie’s personality this time. After Etrigan knocks Batman around and blows up his plane, Ollie steps in to shoot a fire extinguisher arrow into the demon’s mouth. Etrigan, who lives within the endless flame and torture of hell, finds this UNBEARABLE and returns to the human form of Jason Blood.

Justin isn’t sure why Etrigan attacked Ollie, but he suspects it has something to do with the fact that the two of them are searching for a hollow. A Hollow is a body without a soul, which provides an all too enticing prize for demons of hell who need a free body to return to earth. And Ollie just mystiously came back to life missing memories after being dead for years. Strange!

Arsenal (Roy Harper) and Black Canary (Dinah Lance) show up. Ollie is happy to see Roy again and gives him a hug. Ollie is happy to see Dinah again and makes out with her. A lot of physical contact getting thrown around here. Roy offers to take them back to Star City with the Teen Titans jet.

On the plane, Black Canary and Ollie work to figure out what memories Ollie is missing. Canary is more than a little peeved that he conveniently doesn’t remember all the horrible things he did which led to the two of them breaking up. Ollie thinks it’s GREAT that he doesn’t remember those things because its almost like they never happened! Well, in his mind it never happened at least. They very much happened.

The gang goes to Jason Blood’s place where he’ll be able to tell what is up with Ollie. He suspects Ollie is a Hollow, a body without a soul. So he surrounds Ollie in magical protection circle and summons a horde of demons. The demons reeeeally want to get to Ollie, which is all the proof Jason needs to know he’s a hollow. Which meeeaaaannnsss…

Jason has to kill Ollie.

A hollow is too dangerous to have walking around because any demon can easily possess him, even high level demons which could bring about the end of the world.

Jason turns back into Etrigan to do the deed. Batman, Arsenal, and Canary try to fight through the horde of demons to save Ollie but are too late. He’s been roasted to nothing by Etrigan.

What I learned From This Comic:

The “that’s not how I remember things” defense doesn’t work even if you actually don’t remember those things.

The Creators:
Writers: Kevin Smith
Pencilers: Phil Hester
Inkers: Ande Parks
Colourists: Guy Major
Letterers: Sean Konot
Cover Artists: Matt Wagner
Executive Editor: Mike Carlin
Editors: Michael Wright, Bob Schreck

Green Arrow (Vol 3) #5

The cover to Green Arrow (Vol 3) #5
The decision every doctor dreads having to make: do I save the man, or do I save the beard?
From Series: Green Arrow (Vol 3)

What happened:

The cursed mage Jason Blood is at the airport buying a last minute ticket to Star City. He buys a ticket for the soonest trip, mills about, then changes to the another flight. Then the flight he was originally going to take blows up in the sky. Jason Blood is not immediately detained for questioning after this very suspicious behavior before a very big coincidence because this is comic books.

In the Batcave, Batman (Bruce Wayne) is surely not doing something this suspicious OH WAIT HE’S DOING MEDICAL TESTS ON AN UNCONSCIOUS FRIEND AGAINST HIS WILL. That friend being Green Arrow (Ollie Queen). Ollie recently came back to life but is missing ten years worth of memories. Batman thinks this is mighty fishy and was doing tests to find out if he really is Ollie. Batman’s tests prove that the Ollie in front of them is at least not the Ollie he last knew. The Ollie in front of him is missing all traces of injuries he knew Ollie had (broken wrist, burned back, shot through the heart by an arrow, lazy eye, bad breathe, hairy toe, etc.)

The Spoiler (Stephanie Brown) is there to help! Batman rarely has Stephanie help with anything. Yet the one(?) time he has an unconscious naked man in his cave he involves the lone teenage girl he knows?

Batman! You need to know more about the world than just what chemicals leave weird colors on paper for crime solving clues! C’mon dude!

Ollie wakes up and is angry at Batman for knocking him out, stripping him nude, and treating his body like a slide show. Batman gets Ollie to calm down by showing him a video of the time Ollie shot his best friend Hal Jordan (Green Lantern) in the chest with an arrow.

BATMAN. C’MON.

The two decide to travel to Ollie’s old mansion for clues as to why he returned from the dead.

Mia Dearden is back at Stanley Dover’s place where she and Ollie are crashing in Star City investigating the Star City Slayer murders. She takes a break to shoot arrows at a target on the roof. You know, like kids do. Black Canary and Roy Harper intrupt her typical teenage behavior because they are very interested in seeing their returned from the dead boyfriend/adoptive father.

What I Learned From this Comic:

Even Green Arrow hates when artists redesign costumes.

The Creators:
Writers: Kevin Smith
Pencilers: Phil Hester
Inkers: Ande Parks
Colourists: Guy Major
Letterers: Sean Konot
Cover Artists: Matt Wagner
Executive Editor: Mike Carlin
Editors: Michael Wright, Bob Schreck

Green Arrow (Vol 3) #4

The cover to Green Arrow (Vol 3) #4
Figures the one day Aquaman didn’t have time to touch up his gray would be the day of an impromptu photo shoot.
From Series: Green Arrow (Vol 3)

What Happened:

Green Arrow (Ollie Queen) and Aquaman (Arthur Curry) are in combat with Black Manta. Aquaman is super surprised that Green Arrow is alive (because he was not the last time anyone checked) but manages to keep his cool about the whole thing. He’s also pretty focused on his arch enemy, Black Manta, and has gotten really stoked about finally killing him. Before he can ram his hook hand through Manta’s chest, Green Arrow stops him with a lasso arrow.

After turning in the criminal to the authorities Aquaman decides he’s going to surprise the rest of the Justice League with Green Arrow’s return and teleports them both to the JLA’s home base on the moon, the Watchtower.

Meanwhile, we learn there is something creepy going on with Green Arrow’s new friend Stanley Dover. He is hiding something from Ollie and the young Mia Dearden.

In another part of the city, the Star City Slayer takes another homeless child from the street. The kid seems to recognize this person and follow him willingly. While this is happening, the caged monster we’ve been seeing in shadows is mourning the absence of his friend.

Wonder Woman (Diana of Themyscira), The Flash (Wally West), and Martian Manhunter (J’onn J’onnz) are the first to arrive at the Watchtower after Aquaman’s summons and are pretty crabby about it. You’d think their lifestyles didn’t ever call upon them needing to come quickly to important events with their attitudes. Also, The Flash is worried that his wife might think he’s having an affair. Why would Linda Park think her husband, The Flash, would be having an affair because he gets a call to go to the Watchtower? That probably happens every night. Maybe work on your marriage a little there, Wally. It doesn’t stop at the wedding! It’s an ongoing project!

Anyway, after some awkward crowd work (Isn’t Aquaman supposed to be a king who gives speeches and stuff?) Aquaman introduces Ollie. Everyone is surprised, but not really because super heroes come back all the time. Then Wonder Woman kisses Ollie for no reason because she’s a feminist icon and Kevin Smith is a master writer (Buh.).

Green Arrow is confused though. He doesn’t know why Wally is wearing Barry Allen’s old costume. And he doesn’t understand where his best friend Hal went. Or why Kyle Rayner is dressed like the Green Lantern. Or why Superman (Clark Kent) hugs him like they haven’t seen each other in years. Finally when he sees a photo of the Justice League with a boy he’s never seen before (Connor Hawke) dressed as Green Arrow he decides the team has gone crazy and is replacing all its members with more impressionable children. He points an arrow at the Watchtower’s glass window and threatens to blow a hole into the outer space outside.

Before Green Arrow can kill all his friends because he’s mad about work politics Batman (Bruce Wayne) knocks him out. Batman takes his unconscious body with him back to the Batcave.

Back on Earth, Oracle (Barbara Gordon) contacts the Black Canary (Dinah Lance) and tells her about the news report of her dead ex-boyfriend Ollie Queen fighting Black Manta.

What I Learned From this Comic:

Never invite Wonder Woman to a meeting she doesn’t need to sit in on.

The Creators:
Writers: Kevin Smith
Pencilers: Phil Hester
Inkers: Ande Parks
Colourists: Guy Major
Letterers: Sean Konot
Cover Artists: Matt Wagner
Executive Editor: Mike Carlin
Editors: Michael Wright, Bob Schreck

The Final Night #3

The cover to The Final Night #3
Oh wow! From up here you all look like ants! Gooey, blobby ants!
From Series: The Final Night

What Happened:

Warrior’s bar has become a headquarters for all the super heroes doing rescue work and patrolling. A lot of people are not handling the idea that a horrible space cloud is trying to eat their sun. People are cold and upset by all this and are starting to lash out, forcing the super heroes to protect everyone from each other. A part time babysitting job! Well, at least the super heroes don’t have anything else more important to do.

Warrior, a dude with the power to turn his hands into weapons, used to be a Green Lantern. He’s pretty frustrated he no longer has the powers of the Green Lanterns because that would be pretty useful when dealing with a sun-eater. There are only so many walls to needlessly blow up with his gun-hands after all!

Meanwhile, back in the science labs all the science-y people have realized the sun is going to blow up. Real soon. Too soon. There isn’t much anyone can do about it so a decision is made to not release this information to the public in order to prevent a panic. Superman, powerless because of the lack of sunlight, returns home to Smallville to visit his mom and dad before what most superheros are accepting to be the end of the world.

Dusk is getting ready to skedaddle. She’s done her job trying to warn the planet of the coming danger but failed yet again to save any lives. She hopes her next destination on the Sun-Eater’s path of gobbled up stars will be more productive. The Phantom Stranger shows up and starts to guilt Dusk about leaving the party early. “We were JUST going to start the dancing mix. Whadder you doin’?”

Still, Dusk is confident with the world’s approaching doom the people of the planet are going to start getting real dark. Phantom Stranger decides to play the Ghost of Christmas Present and gives Dusk a world wide tour on how human beings are not jerks.

Elsewhere, well-known jerk The Warrior is alone in his bar. When he sees a familiar green glow coming from his old Green Lantern costume on display.

What I Learned From This Comic:

The Warrior no longer owns a stuffed Tauntaun.

The Creators:
Writer: Karl Kesel
Penciller: Stuart Immonen
Inker: Jose Marzan, Jr.
Colorist: Patricia Mulvihill
Letterer: Gaspar Saladino
Editor: Dan Thorsland
Assistant Editor: Ali Morales

Lex Luthor Is Bad At Helping – The Final Night #2

The cover to The Final Night #2
During the end of the world everyone inhibitions are dropped and Batman just starts walking around nude I guess.

From Series: The Final Night

What Happened:

It’s been two days since the Sun Eater has taken over the sun. The planet is getting pretty brisk.

Lex Luthor returns from his vacation and joins forces with the good guys to save the world. He wants to probe the sun/Sun Eater. Working with Brainiac 5 he set up Green Lantern as such a probe. They get some data but lose track of him. Luthor is more bummed about the loss of the probe than the loss of a human being even though they are the same thing in this case.

Wonder Woman, Big Barda, Guardian, Captain Marvel Jr., and The Ray help put out an apartment fire. Ray takes one of the tenants home to her family in another country. In an act of desperation he tries to warm the land with his own powers but faints from the exertion.

Superman and Batman stop Vandal Savage from stealing the Mona Lisa. The immortal Savage was all boner hurt by the Mona Lisa when she turned him down so he arranged for this painting to be made so he could then steal the thing 5 centuries later. IT’S A LITTLE CRAZY. At the very least: this makes Vandal Savage the biggest single white dude creeper in all of the DC Universe and the DC Universe includes a character who is a single white dude called “The Creeper”.

Superman’s lack of yellow sunlight is making him rapidly losing power. Batman feels for him. Batman feels REAL bad for him, losing all his powers. “Not having powers must be terrible”, Batman probably thinks when he’s not too busy weeping for his powerless friend.

A bunch of the old retired Justice Society members are suiting up to help the crisis. They ask the original Starman, Ted Knight, if he’d like to join them. Ted gives a lame excuse that he’d probably be a better help looking at the monster in the sky with his dumb telescope. Jay Garrick is polite and pretends this makes total sense. Dude has a magic wand that can help save people in danger or he can stare at something big enough to eat the sun and take notes. Well the notes are obviously important, the choice is clear Mr. Knight!

Dusk and Black Canary are attacked by a mob. A lot of people are starting to blame Dusk for the Sun Eater’s attack. They think she led it to them. Black Canary is saved from the mob by The Flash, Nightwing, and Robin. Dusk is then saved by a new hero named Ferro.

What I Learned From This Comic:

Vandal Savage is some kind of long-con, super crazy pickup artist.

The Creators:
Writer: Karl Kesel
Penciller: Stuart Immonen
Inker: Jose Marzan, Jr.
Colorist: Patricia Mulvihill
Letterer: Gaspar Saladino
Editor: Dan Thorsland
Assistant Editor: Ali Morales