Too Many Mutants – House of M #7

The cover to House of M #7
He tripped.
From Series: House of M

What Happened:

Everyone’s fighting! The rebel heroes who remember the real world thanks to Layla Miller‘s powers are attacking their friends who do not remember the real world. Why? Because the rebel heroes want to kill who they believe is responsible for this alternate world: Magneto (Erik Lehnsherr). They are doing fighting and causing a lot of property damage instead of using Layla Miller’s powers to restore THEIR FRIENDS’ memories of the real world as well. It is a dumb plan but we’re too deep in to stop now! Wheels within wheels! Time marches on!

During the battle, The Scarlet Witch (Wanda Maximoff) collapses and starts to disappear. This freaks out her brother Quicksilver and he goes berserk on the rebel heroes. Makes logical sense. Wanda didn’t disappear before the rebel heroes showed up. Now the rebel heroes show up and she starts to disappear? The simple logical solution is to run around with super speed and punch everyone in the face, like the great thinkers of yore would suggest.

That Scarlet Witch was just a illusion made with magic though. Doctor Strange, in Astral Form mode, uses his bloodhound senses to find the real Scarlet Witch and her children. They all play blocks together. Doctor Strange then tries to figure out what’s really going on. Scarlet Witch reveals it wasn’t Magneto who told her to change the world, but Quicksilver.

This changes EVERTHING. (Not really). Magneto was a villain who had to be killed. Quicksilver is a hero who made a mistake who needs to be captured. Neither of these people are who actually did the deed of changing the world (Wanda, who everyone wanted to kill way back in issue one).

Hawkeye (Clint Barton) then shoots Wanda in the back with an arrow. Wanda, trying to protect her kids from the scary man with a bow and arrow, wipes him away from existence. Doctor Strange has apparently just decided to duck out around this time.

Back in the battle, Layla Miller restores Magneto’s memories when he finds her and The White Queen (Emma Frost) by Xavier’s fake gravestone. This sets Magneto off who, in a rage, kills Quicksilver. The heroes are all shocked by this because WE ALL KNOW HOW MUCH THE HEROES ARE AGAINST KILLING.

Scarlet Witch shows up and returns Quicksilver to life. Then she decides to punish Magneto by taking away the thing he loves most in the world: Mutants.

What I Learned From This Comic:

Wanda’s got some ugly kids.

The Creators:
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Penciler: Olivier Coipel
Inker: Tim Townsend
Colourists: Frank D’Armata
Letterers: Chris Eliopoulos<
Cover Artist: Esad Ribic
Editors: Tom Brevoort, Stephanie Moore, Molly Lazer, & Andy Schmidt

Mister Fantastic’s Self Loathing – Fantastic Four (Vol 1) #500

The cover to Fantastic Four (Vol 1) #500
Well, you don’t look a day over 400.
What Happened:

WEBSITE NOTE: This is the first issue of Fantastic Four (Vol 3)’s returning to its original Vol 1 numbering. Since it is also the concluding issue to a Vol 3 story line this issue is listed as both a Vol 1 and Vol 3 series.

From Series: Fantastic Four (Vol 3)

From Series: Fantastic Four (Vol 1)

Mister Fantastic (Reed Richards) has been captured by a magically souped up Doctor Doom (Victor Von Doom). Reed’s been given a chance to fight back by being locked in Doom’s library of magic texts. The challenge is for Reed to figure a way out of his magical prison by learning some magic from Doom’s archive of knowledge. It’s all an effort to humiliate Reed, who despite being a super genius, knows nothing about magic. He tries anyway though. Doom has sent his son Franklin to Hell, currently has his daughter Valeria, and is torturing the rest of the Fantastic Four with his magic. So… he probably should try REALLY really hard.

He stinks way too much at magic though! Luckily, the spirit of Doctor Strange (Stephen Strange) shows up to cover for him. Strange has also been incapacitated by Doom, but is able to use a little bit of his magic to assist Reed undetected. First thing they do is teleport out of the library to Strange’s house where Reed has a better chance of learning magic. Reed tries to read the teleportation spell like a mathematical formula and it puts them in the middle of traffic instead of Strange’s home.

See how far learning math will get you? It’ll put you right into harms way. Take heed, children.

Things don’t improve much and time runs out for the two of them. Doom pulls Doctor Strange’s spirit back into his captive body. Reed, still unable to wrap his head around the idea that there might be forces he’ll never understand, cannot cast a single spell successfully. Strange does gift him a tiny gun thing before he is zapped away and says it needs magic words to work.

After a lot of trial and error, Reed figures out the magic words are admitting he’s stupid when it comes to magic. Reed does a lot of self deprecating humor with grand magical results! The freed Fantastic Four then takes on Doom.

He gets cut up by The Invisible Woman (Sue Storm), knocked around by The Thing (Ben Grimm), and even roasted by The Human Torch (Johnny Storm) but Doom still won’t fall. Finally, Reed tricks Doom into admitting that he is not in debt to anyone, which goes against the the deal he made with demons for his new magical power. The demons are real mad they’re not getting credit for Doom’s makeover! They attack Doom and the Fantastic Four jump through their demonic portal to grab Franklin and bring him back.

While retreating back out of the portal, Doctor Doom tries to get Reed to help him escape but Reed will no longer be tricked by Doom. So, Doom makes sure Reed will never forget him. He magically scars half of Reed’s face with grotesque burns.

What I Learned From this Comic:

If magic actually worked like it does for Mister Fantastic, I would be the strongest magician in the world.

The Creators:
Writer: Mark Waid
Penciler: Mike Wieringo
Inker: Karl Kesel
Colorist: Paul Mounts
Letterer: Richard Starkings & Albert Deschesne
Editor: Tom Brevoort
Assistant Editor: Marc Sumerak & Andy Schmidt

House of M #5

The cover to House of M #5
“Hello, good day. Do you have a moment to talk about Jesus Christ our lord and savior?”
From Series: House of M

What Happened:

Layla Miller is getting eaaased into the life of super heroics by going inside her own brain with The White Queen (Emma Frost). She’s understandably really weirded out by her giant brain and Emma’s awful bedside manner as they try to figure out why Layla has the power to awaken everyone’s true memories in the alternate reality they’ve woken up in. Ending diagnosis: no idea! Oh well, don’t look a gift Beta Ray Bill in the mouth, that’s what I always say.

I made a Thor joke!

They get down to it and start an exciting montage of returning the memories of all the super heroes they can find. Ms. Marvel (Carol Danvers), Doctor Strange, Shadowcat (Kitty Pryde), Cyclops (Scott Summers), She Hulk (Jennifer Walters), Daredevil (Matt Murdock), etc, etc! This will fill up pages nicely!

When the group of heroes find Captain America (Steve Rogers), they’re turned off by how old he seems. I guess super heroes are ageist? Didn’t Magneto live through the Holocaust? How old is Franklin Richards again? Aaaaahh, lets not stress about all this! Anyway, Captain America is deemed too old to help, since in this world he was never frozen into a block of ice. Unknown to the other heroes, Layla returns his memories as well. I guess as a way to make sure he is fully aware of how little he’s helping? Don’t kick a man while he’s down, Layla.

When they return Spider-man (Peter Parker)‘s memories, he is less than pleased. Spider-man found himself in a perfect life where he married Gwen Stacy, had a son, is loved by everyone in New York City, and his Uncle Ben never died. When he realizes this is not his life true life he is ready to kill whoever created this universe.

On the topic of who to kill, the heroes then have a meeting to discuss. Because they need to kill someone. They’re positive.

The team seems pretty certain Magneto (Erik Lehnsherr) made his daughter The Scarlet Witch (Wanda Maximoff) create it. It’s all guess work. And they have no proof. But they are going to kill Magneto and Scarlett Witch anyway. Because justice!

More brainwashed heroes working for Shield attack the group but have their own memories restored by Layla before anyone gets hurt. They now seem to have enough numbers now to attack Magneto, who is currently ruler of the mutant country Genosia.

On Genosia, Polaris (Lorna Dane) tells Magneto to start getting ready for the arriving guests. Magneto wants a minute alone as he stands by a monument to the departed Charles Xavier.

What I Learned From This Comic:

Spider-man’s dream life includes a different hair style.

What I Learned From This Comic:
The Creators:
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Penciler: Olivier Coipel
Inker: Tim Townsend
Colourists: Frank D’Armata
Letterers: Chris Eliopoulos
Cover Artist: Esad Ribic
Editors: Tom Brevoort, Stephanie Moore, Molly Lazer, & Andy Schmidt

Fantastic Four (Vol 3) #69

The cover to Fantastic Four (Vol 3) #69
Reed and Ben realize their powers aren’t as cool as Johnny and Sue’s. So they find a way to compensate.
From Series: Fantastic Four (Vol 3)

Mister Fantastic (Reed Richards) and The Human Torch (Johnny Storm) stand in horror in front of a teleporter screen. On the other side of the screen, Reed’s son Franklin Richards, screams for help while trapped in hell. The Fantastic Four is under attack and an mystic energy keeps wrecking all their technology which is why Franklin wound up in Hades rather than on the moon with his friends.

Johnny figures he’s the one for the job if the job means flying into a perpetually aflame hellscape and flies through the teleporter after Franklin. Turns out he isn’t fireproof against sacrilegious flames and is knocked back through the portal seriously burned. Then the energy destroys the portal. This leaves Franklin with no way out of hell.

Wondering what’s up with all the screaming and what have you, Sue Storm (The Invisible Woman) and Ben Grimm (The Thing) bring the youngest Richards child Valeria to Reed’s lab. Sue is pretty mad that her husband goofed so bad her boy is now in hell. Reed is really going to get an earful when this is all over.

Reed realizes that Doctor Doom (Victor Von Doom) is behind all this and is attacking them through Val. He yells at his baby. Another point against bad-dad Reed. The team then suits up to head after Doom in his home country of Latveria.

Doom has a quick conference call with the demons he’s tied his soul to for power. Lots of egos getting tossed around. It’s a bad meeting where nothing gets done and no one takes the reigns on any of the projects in the docket.

On the way, Ben tries to warn Dr. Strange that Doom has started using magics, but Strange has already been mentally captured by Doom. Ben just thinks he’s being kind of a jerk.

When they get to Laveria, Doom is easily able to deflect all their attacks with his magic. This leaves Reed without any ideas.

What I Learned from this comic:

A Demon will eat a ribbon. A demon is practically a goat, they’ll eat anything.

The Creators:

Writer: Mark Waid

Penciler: Mike Wieringo

Inker: Karl Kesel

Colorist: Paul Mounts

Letterer: Richard Starkings & Albert Deschesne

Editor: Tom Brevoort

Assistant Editor: Marc Sumerak & Andy Schmidt

House of M #2

The cover to House of M #2
Why is everyone just walking in the middle of a city street? Is it a parade? Why is everyone in this parade frowning? Is it a parade in protest of parades?
From Series: House of M

What Happened:

The world is different from the day before. Mutants seem to have taken over as the dominant species with only a few exceptions of successful sapiens (homo sapiens) appearing in the culture. With mutants dominant the world has become one where they use their powers openly and there was never a need for X-Men.

Steve Rogers never got the super soldier formula that turned him into Captain America and now lives as a old man in the Bronx. As a sapien he is a object of curiosity from the neighborhood mutant kids.

Cyclops (Scott Summers) and The White Queen (Emma Frost) are married and living in Connecticut. Emma seems to be a social worker for children. She is seeing the orphaned Franklin Richards this day.

Dazzler (Alison Blaire) is a talk show host, Wonder Man (Simon Williams) is a TV star, and Captain Marvel (Carol Danvers) is the most popular super hero on the planet despite the fact that she is not a mutant. Gambit (Remy LeBeau) is a hoodlum.

Speaking of hoodlums, Luke Cage is some king of high powered gangster! And the Falcon (Sam Wilson) became a cop. He’s the only sapien cop in the Bronx which puts him in a very dangerous position. He’s investigating the brutal attack on Wilson Fisk and Cage is his prime suspect.

Doctor Strange is a psychologist. Kitty Pryde is a school teacher. Colossus is a farmer. The Wasp (Janet Van Dyne) is a fashion designer.Yadda yadda yadda…

Oh wait! This is something interesting! An un-blue Hank McCoy and Henry Pym are colleges working for Tony Stark in scientific research. Hank is trying to talk Henry out of doing research on the mutant gene because it will get him fired. It’s a very tense seen where we see they’re both just a liiiitle bit species-ist towards the other. Seems like humans are repressing a lot of bitterness towards mutants.

Wolverine (Logan) wakes up and he’s a… wait. Wait. He knows the world is fake. He’s weirded out by the fact that he’s in the same bed as Mystique (Raven Darkhölme) and doesn’t seem to know why M and Toad are calling him “sir”. He runs outside to find himself on a helicarrier hovering over new york city.

What I Learned From this Comic:

Olivier Coipel doesn’t know what a poptart is.

The Creators:
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Penciler: Olivier Coipel
Inker: Tim Townsend
Colourists: Frank D’Armata
Letterers: Chris Eliopoulos
Cover Artist: Esad Ribic
Editors: Tom Brevoort, Stephanie Moore, Molly Lazer, & Andy Schmidt

House of M #1

The cover to House of M #1
“And we shall call this place… Plymouth Rock!”
From Series: House of M

What Happened:

After the events of Avengers Disassembled, The Scarlet Witch (Wanda Maximoff) is recovering from her nervous breakdown. She is being tended by Magneto (Erik Lehnsherr) and Professor X (Charles Xavier) in the ruins of the once all mutant country Genosha.

Her recovery is not going well. During her last episode she killed several members of the Avengers. Now Professor X, the most powerful telepath on earth, is having trouble just keeping her from creating babies out of thin air. Neither Magneto or Professor X can afford to pay for diapers right now so they always make her unmake the babies, but their concern is rising.

Professor X calls a meeting between the New Avengers, the X-Men, and some old Avengers who are still pretty butt-hurt about not getting onto the new team. The meeting is to decide if they should kill The Scarlet Witch. Everyone has different opinions on the fact. Captain America (Steve Rogers) says no. Wolverine (Logan) says yes before the question is even finished. Wonder Man (Simon Williams) says no, but that’s because he still loves Wanda. The White Queen (Emma Frost) says yes, since it’ll be disastrous to human/mutant relations if a mutant like Scarlet Witch kills any more people. Some people want to ask Wanda’s opinion, which is a dumb thought.

Since Doctor Strange (Stephen Strange) and Professor X are still uncertain if they’ll ever be able to cure her, the debate goes nowhere.

Meanwhile back at Genosha, Quicksilver (Pietro Maximoff) has told Magneto about the meeting between the Avengers and the X-Men and is begging him to help Wanda. Magneto isn’t sure killing Wanda is the wrong thing to do, which really make Quicksilver cry a bunch.

The Avengers and X-Men show up in Genosha in an attempt to see the condition of The Scarlet Witch only to not find her, Quicksilver, or Magneto there. Then one by one they start to disappear. Spider-man (Peter Parker) is the last one remaining when he is enveloped in a golden light and wakes up married to Gwen Stacy with a child. Whaaat?

What I Learned From This Comic:

Super heroes don’t need any sort of… judge or lawyer present while deciding who shall live and who shall die.

The Creators:
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Penciler: Olivier Coipel
Inker: Tim Townsend
Colourists: Frank D’Armata
Letterers: Chris Eliopoulos
Cover Artist: Esad Ribic
Editors: Tom Brevoort, Stephanie Moore, Molly Lazer, & Andy Schmidt