Avengers #500

The cover to Avengers (Vol 1) #500
Sometimes Iron Man liked to use Yellow Jacket to kick off with.
From Series: The Avengers

What Happened:

Woof, what a day.

Sure, several of their friends died. A lot of there lives were destroyed. They were betrayed by some of the people they were closest with. Some of their greatest personal fears came true in their own actions. Yet, if we were to really nail down the worst thing to happen to the Avengers on this day it would be Hawkeye’s (Clint Barton) kitchen table sex talk.

Woof.

Let’s get to the actual mayhem of the day. Ant-Man (Scott Lang), The Wasp (Janet Van Dyne), She-Hulk (Jennifer Walters), Captain Britain (Kelsey Leigh), Jarvis, and Hawkeye have their gross conversation interrupted by Jack Of Hearts (Jonathan Hart). Well, a zombie of Jack Of Hearts. Since Jack Of Hearts died a few issues back. I suppose he doesn’t have to be a zombie. He could be a naked mummy? I don’t really know why I’m assuming he’s a zombie just because he’s all shamble-y and dried out. Plus he does some pretty un-zombie like actions such as apologize for blowing up and then blowing up. This is the day’s first explosion.

Jack Of Hearts explosion kills Ant-Man who tried to reason with the zombie. Never open the lines of communication with zombies. What do you hope to accomplish? Change its mind about being a zombie? They. Are. Set. In. Their. Ways.

While all this is happening, Iron Man (Tony Stark) is giving a big fancy speech to the United Nations. There, he starts having all the symptoms of being drunk.

Symptoms of being drunk:

  • Being sweaty
  • Being a jerk

Yellow Jacket (Hank Pym) and Black Panther (T’Challa) stop Iron Man from blowing up a representative of a country he dislikes. Before anyone can get too mad at Iron Man, Captain America (Steve Rogers) receives the distress call from Avengers mansion about the zombie and the explosion. While everyone heads out, Iron Man confesses to Scarlett Witch (Wanda Maximoff) about feeling drunk. Scarlet Witch’s face is shrouded in darkness the whole time. Who knows what that could mean? It’s probably nothing! Maybe the artist was having one of those “I JUST CAN’T DRAW ANOTHER FACE TODAY” days?

Everyone arrives at the mansion in time for The Vision to fly a quinjet into it. This is the day’s second explosion. Vision comes out of the burning wreckage and tells the Avengers he is not in control of his own actions. He then turns into a puddle and vomits up some metal spheres.

Additional symptoms of being drunk:

  • Turning into puddle
  • Vomiting metal spheres

The spheres all turn into Ultron robots and the team leaps into battle defeating them… pretty easily. She-Hulk starts to go berserk during the battle and can’t calm down from her battle rage. In that rage she tears the remains of The Vision’s robotic body down the middle and then attacks Captain America.

Meanwhile, two mysterious people have a conversation in the dark.

What I Learned From This Issue:
Saying “Sorry, my bad” doesn’t get you off the hook from tidying after the metal balls you threw up.

Creators:
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Pencils: David Finch
Inker: Danny Miki
Colourist: Frank D’armata
Letterers: Albert Deschesne, Richard Starkings
Editors: Nicole Wiley, Andy Schmidt, Tom Brevoort
Editor-in-Chief: Joe Quesada

House of M #1

The cover to House of M #1
“And we shall call this place… Plymouth Rock!”
From Series: House of M

What Happened:

After the events of Avengers Disassembled, The Scarlet Witch (Wanda Maximoff) is recovering from her nervous breakdown. She is being tended by Magneto (Erik Lehnsherr) and Professor X (Charles Xavier) in the ruins of the once all mutant country Genosha.

Her recovery is not going well. During her last episode she killed several members of the Avengers. Now Professor X, the most powerful telepath on earth, is having trouble just keeping her from creating babies out of thin air. Neither Magneto or Professor X can afford to pay for diapers right now so they always make her unmake the babies, but their concern is rising.

Professor X calls a meeting between the New Avengers, the X-Men, and some old Avengers who are still pretty butt-hurt about not getting onto the new team. The meeting is to decide if they should kill The Scarlet Witch. Everyone has different opinions on the fact. Captain America (Steve Rogers) says no. Wolverine (Logan) says yes before the question is even finished. Wonder Man (Simon Williams) says no, but that’s because he still loves Wanda. The White Queen (Emma Frost) says yes, since it’ll be disastrous to human/mutant relations if a mutant like Scarlet Witch kills any more people. Some people want to ask Wanda’s opinion, which is a dumb thought.

Since Doctor Strange (Stephen Strange) and Professor X are still uncertain if they’ll ever be able to cure her, the debate goes nowhere.

Meanwhile back at Genosha, Quicksilver (Pietro Maximoff) has told Magneto about the meeting between the Avengers and the X-Men and is begging him to help Wanda. Magneto isn’t sure killing Wanda is the wrong thing to do, which really make Quicksilver cry a bunch.

The Avengers and X-Men show up in Genosha in an attempt to see the condition of The Scarlet Witch only to not find her, Quicksilver, or Magneto there. Then one by one they start to disappear. Spider-man (Peter Parker) is the last one remaining when he is enveloped in a golden light and wakes up married to Gwen Stacy with a child. Whaaat?

What I Learned From This Comic:

Super heroes don’t need any sort of… judge or lawyer present while deciding who shall live and who shall die.

The Creators:
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Penciler: Olivier Coipel
Inker: Tim Townsend
Colourists: Frank D’Armata
Letterers: Chris Eliopoulos
Cover Artist: Esad Ribic
Editors: Tom Brevoort, Stephanie Moore, Molly Lazer, & Andy Schmidt