Weekend Warriors – Teen Titans (Vol 3) #1

The cover to Teen Titans (Vol 3) 1
Modern Dance Camp and the Teen Titans are the two youth clubs which require wearing spandex.
From Series: Teen Titans (Vol 3)

What Happened:

Being a teen is hard. We’ve all heard it. It’s a particle in the “facts of life” atmosphere we breathe and have yet to choke. Like “never go to bed angry” and “swimming after a big meal will kill you” it is undeniably true. Being a super-powered teen seems to be easier though! For instance, Superboy (Conner Kent) regularly skips school to go flying and do some on-brand crop circle graffiti. Fun!

Superman (Clark Kent) thinks Conner could be doing more with his time, or at least cause less of a negative effect on the nation’s wheat yield, so he signed him up for the new Teen Titans. This version of the Teen Titans is half super hero training camp and half youth group. So Conner’s weekends will now be filled with battles to the death and acoustic covers of The Goo Goo Dolls.

A multitasking Batman (Bruce Wayne) and Robin (Tim Drake) have a similar conversation while fighting for their lives. Unlike Superman, Batman isn’t concerned with Tim’s school work. He just wants Tim to see his friends more and not become a secluded weirdo. Batman is not self reflective.

The first and third men to call themselves The Flash (Jay Garrick and Wally West), debate letting Impulse (Bart Allen) join the Teen Titans. Jay thinks only being responsible for the super-speed powered teenager with ADHD four days a week instead of seven is a great idea. A GREAT idea. Wally is a little more precious with what the Teen Titans stand for and isn’t sure Bart’s ready to be held to that standard. After all, super heroes who don’t take things seriously can get people killed. They agree to give Bart a try on the Titans but Wally doesn’t expect much from Bart. Bart hears the whole exchange.

The final recruit, Wonder Girl (Cassie Sandsmark), is picked up from school by Starfire (Koriand’r) during a particular bad day. Cassie punched her principal’s desk into pieces. It’s never stated out loud but she probably broke a rule while doing this, so Cassie is pretty sure she’s in trouble. She’ll get a call home at the least.

Meeting Beast Boy (Garfield Logan) and hearing Cyborg (Victor Stone) over the loud speaker at their new headquarters The Titans Tower in the San Fransisco Bay really sets the tone for how weird the weekend is going to be for the four friends. Things were already pretty awkward between them though. The last time they hung out a bunch of people died. So hugs are given but not appreciated among the teens.

Later that night, Tim and Conner are wondering if the whole Teen Titans idea is pointless when Tim gets an email. The email is about from where the human half of Conner’s DNA comes. Tim and Conner and both shocked to read it is Lex Luthor. This is probably spam and shouldn’t be taken seriously though because we’ve all gotten that email that starts “HALF YOUR DNA IS A LEX LUTHOR SEND CREDIT CARD NOW”.

What I Learned From This Comic:

Beast Boy learned how to romance women from Tex Avery cartoons.

Writers: Geoff Johns
Pencils: Mike McKone
Inker: Marlo Alquiza
Colourist: Jeromy Cox
Letterer: Comicraft
Editors: Tom Palmer Jr., Eddie Berganza
Executive Editor: Dan DiDio

Parallax: Emerald Knight #1

The cover to Parallax: Emerald Night #1
Black Hole Sun? No thanks. This old man ain’t listening to no Soundgarden.

What Happened:

Disgraced former Green Lantern, now calling himself Parallax, Hal Jordan has tracked down Cyborg Superman. Cyborg Superman is the last remaining culprit of the destruction of Jordan’s hometown Coast City. He also has the worst name and most apt name. So Jordan is pretty stinking mad at him. Especially since Jordan is now evil.

As they battle, Jordan realizes that Cyborg Superman can’t be killed or imprisoned by conventional means. So he pushes the big galoot into the source wall. Many more powerful beings have tried to pass through the source wall only to be stuck for eternity for thinking they were too big for their britches. Cyborg Superman gets stuck real good in a living death which satisfies Jordan’s need for revenge.

The current Green Lantern Kyle Rayner shows up. He’s got some bad news from Earth. It’s about to be blown up by the sun. Rayner has come to Jordan for help but Jordan’s not convinced. He’s had a pretty good run at being a bad guy so far. Killed and hurt a lot of his friends… almost recreated all of reality in his image… pushed a robot dude into a space wall. Yeah! Things are looking great, why mess with what’s not broken?

Jordan still considers helping though. He decides to do some investigating to see if being a hero again is worth it. He returns to earth, which has gone dark thanks to the Sun-Eater slowly gobbling up our sun. He visits former Green Lantern Guy Gardner and gets yelled at.

Then he visits another former Green Lantern John Stewart who has been paralyzed from the waist down. Jordan makes it so Stewart can walk again! He then gets yelled at.

He visits his old plane mechanic friend Tom Kalmaku. He still thinks Jordan is great! At this point Jordan probably feels too weird about not getting yelled at so he bounces before saying goodbye.

He then visits his ex-Girlfriend Carol Ferris and gets a kiss. (The romantic way to be yelled at.)

Next he visits the grave of Green Arrow, Ollie Queen. Doesn’t get yelled at. No kiss. Nuts.

Jordan’s last stop is at ground zero of the remains of Coast City. The event which led him to become the villain he is today finally convinces him to sacrifice himself to save the Earth. He lets everyone know Hal Jordan has returned as a hero.

What I Learned From This Issue:

Green Lanterns aren’t allowed to have noses.

The Creators:
Writer: Ron Marz
Penciler: Mike McKone
Inker: Mark McKenna
Colorist: John Kalisz
Letterer: Chris Eliopoulos
Kevin Dooley
, Eddie Berganza