Weekend Warriors – Teen Titans (Vol 3) #1

The cover to Teen Titans (Vol 3) 1
Modern Dance Camp and the Teen Titans are the two youth clubs which require wearing spandex.
From Series: Teen Titans (Vol 3)

What Happened:

Being a teen is hard. We’ve all heard it. It’s a particle in the “facts of life” atmosphere we breathe and have yet to choke. Like “never go to bed angry” and “swimming after a big meal will kill you” it is undeniably true. Being a super-powered teen seems to be easier though! For instance, Superboy (Conner Kent) regularly skips school to go flying and do some on-brand crop circle graffiti. Fun!

Superman (Clark Kent) thinks Conner could be doing more with his time, or at least cause less of a negative effect on the nation’s wheat yield, so he signed him up for the new Teen Titans. This version of the Teen Titans is half super hero training camp and half youth group. So Conner’s weekends will now be filled with battles to the death and acoustic covers of The Goo Goo Dolls.

A multitasking Batman (Bruce Wayne) and Robin (Tim Drake) have a similar conversation while fighting for their lives. Unlike Superman, Batman isn’t concerned with Tim’s school work. He just wants Tim to see his friends more and not become a secluded weirdo. Batman is not self reflective.

The first and third men to call themselves The Flash (Jay Garrick and Wally West), debate letting Impulse (Bart Allen) join the Teen Titans. Jay thinks only being responsible for the super-speed powered teenager with ADHD four days a week instead of seven is a great idea. A GREAT idea. Wally is a little more precious with what the Teen Titans stand for and isn’t sure Bart’s ready to be held to that standard. After all, super heroes who don’t take things seriously can get people killed. They agree to give Bart a try on the Titans but Wally doesn’t expect much from Bart. Bart hears the whole exchange.

The final recruit, Wonder Girl (Cassie Sandsmark), is picked up from school by Starfire (Koriand’r) during a particular bad day. Cassie punched her principal’s desk into pieces. It’s never stated out loud but she probably broke a rule while doing this, so Cassie is pretty sure she’s in trouble. She’ll get a call home at the least.

Meeting Beast Boy (Garfield Logan) and hearing Cyborg (Victor Stone) over the loud speaker at their new headquarters The Titans Tower in the San Fransisco Bay really sets the tone for how weird the weekend is going to be for the four friends. Things were already pretty awkward between them though. The last time they hung out a bunch of people died. So hugs are given but not appreciated among the teens.

Later that night, Tim and Conner are wondering if the whole Teen Titans idea is pointless when Tim gets an email. The email is about from where the human half of Conner’s DNA comes. Tim and Conner and both shocked to read it is Lex Luthor. This is probably spam and shouldn’t be taken seriously though because we’ve all gotten that email that starts “HALF YOUR DNA IS A LEX LUTHOR SEND CREDIT CARD NOW”.

What I Learned From This Comic:

Beast Boy learned how to romance women from Tex Avery cartoons.

Creators:
Writers: Geoff Johns
Pencils: Mike McKone
Inker: Marlo Alquiza
Colourist: Jeromy Cox
Letterer: Comicraft
Editors: Tom Palmer Jr., Eddie Berganza
Executive Editor: Dan DiDio

Three Bad Ideas – The Final Night #1

The cover to The Final Night #1
Feeling pretty silly about the whole “tights” thing right now.
From Series: The Final Night

What Happened:

The alien named Dusk lands on Earth to warn everyone of the coming Sun Eater. I’m not going to bother explaining what the Sun Eater does. For a short bit it looks like she’s about to have the same cuckoo mix-up with the Superman and The Legion of Superheroes she had on New Tamarian. Fortunately Saturn Girl uses he telepathy to get everyone on the same page and the plot moves steadily forward to give us…

…Characters! Dozens of characters show up though only a handful can do anything useful against a monster big enough to eat the sun. Thanks for showing up Robin. Nice of you to bring your hammer Steel. We think we’re going with the super strong demigods who can breathe in space to deal with this “crime” though.

The heroes break into three groups. One group led by Captain Atom will be using a plan Big Barda and Mister Miracle came up with. They’re going to try to funnel the Sun Eater into a boom tube and teleport him to the edge of the universe. The “Sweep the dirt under the rug” method.

The second group will be the Plan B. All the super heroes with fire powers will create a dummy sun and lure the Sun Eater away from their solar system. The “You’re someone else’s problem now” method.

The third group is everyone else just to give them something to do. If you’re not keeping Batman’s hands busy he’s just going to be a bother to everyone. Make him go on patrol to “keep the peace during the panic” or whatever you want to call it. Give the man a pat on the back and tiny trophy when it’s all over just for participating.

While all this is going on, The Phantom Stranger goes to The Spectre to ask why he never helps with these big crisis’s. After all, the Spectre is arguably the strongest hero on the planet. The Spectre tells him that if the Sun Eater kills everyone on earth then that must have been God’s will so who is he to say otherwise. With that he vanishes to go guilt another criminal into killing themselves.

The teleport plan fails.

The dummy sun is absorbed by the Sun Eater almost killing the heroes maintain it by stripping them of their body heat.

With no plan C, the sun goes out. Earth is plunged into darkness and Jimmy Olsen’s news crew already starts to panic.

His day at the beach ruined, Lex Luthor decides to get involved.

What I Learned From This Comic:

Lex Luthor wears speedos.

The Creators:
Writer: Karl Kesel
Artist/Co-Creator: Stuart Immonen
Inker: Jose Marzan, Jr.
Colorist: Patricia Mulvihill
Letterer: Gaspar Saladino
Editor: Dan Thorsland
Editor: Ali Morales