Avengers #500

The cover to Avengers (Vol 1) #500
Sometimes Iron Man liked to use Yellow Jacket to kick off with.
From Series: The Avengers

What Happened:

Woof, what a day.

Sure, several of their friends died. A lot of there lives were destroyed. They were betrayed by some of the people they were closest with. Some of their greatest personal fears came true in their own actions. Yet, if we were to really nail down the worst thing to happen to the Avengers on this day it would be Hawkeye’s (Clint Barton) kitchen table sex talk.

Woof.

Let’s get to the actual mayhem of the day. Ant-Man (Scott Lang), The Wasp (Janet Van Dyne), She-Hulk (Jennifer Walters), Captain Britain (Kelsey Leigh), Jarvis, and Hawkeye have their gross conversation interrupted by Jack Of Hearts (Jonathan Hart). Well, a zombie of Jack Of Hearts. Since Jack Of Hearts died a few issues back. I suppose he doesn’t have to be a zombie. He could be a naked mummy? I don’t really know why I’m assuming he’s a zombie just because he’s all shamble-y and dried out. Plus he does some pretty un-zombie like actions such as apologize for blowing up and then blowing up. This is the day’s first explosion.

Jack Of Hearts explosion kills Ant-Man who tried to reason with the zombie. Never open the lines of communication with zombies. What do you hope to accomplish? Change its mind about being a zombie? They. Are. Set. In. Their. Ways.

While all this is happening, Iron Man (Tony Stark) is giving a big fancy speech to the United Nations. There, he starts having all the symptoms of being drunk.

Symptoms of being drunk:

  • Being sweaty
  • Being a jerk

Yellow Jacket (Hank Pym) and Black Panther (T’Challa) stop Iron Man from blowing up a representative of a country he dislikes. Before anyone can get too mad at Iron Man, Captain America (Steve Rogers) receives the distress call from Avengers mansion about the zombie and the explosion. While everyone heads out, Iron Man confesses to Scarlett Witch (Wanda Maximoff) about feeling drunk. Scarlet Witch’s face is shrouded in darkness the whole time. Who knows what that could mean? It’s probably nothing! Maybe the artist was having one of those “I JUST CAN’T DRAW ANOTHER FACE TODAY” days?

Everyone arrives at the mansion in time for The Vision to fly a quinjet into it. This is the day’s second explosion. Vision comes out of the burning wreckage and tells the Avengers he is not in control of his own actions. He then turns into a puddle and vomits up some metal spheres.

Additional symptoms of being drunk:

  • Turning into puddle
  • Vomiting metal spheres

The spheres all turn into Ultron robots and the team leaps into battle defeating them… pretty easily. She-Hulk starts to go berserk during the battle and can’t calm down from her battle rage. In that rage she tears the remains of The Vision’s robotic body down the middle and then attacks Captain America.

Meanwhile, two mysterious people have a conversation in the dark.

What I Learned From This Issue:
Saying “Sorry, my bad” doesn’t get you off the hook from tidying after the metal balls you threw up.

Creators:
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Pencils: David Finch
Inker: Danny Miki
Colourist: Frank D’armata
Letterers: Albert Deschesne, Richard Starkings
Editors: Nicole Wiley, Andy Schmidt, Tom Brevoort
Editor-in-Chief: Joe Quesada