Weekend Warriors – Teen Titans (Vol 3) #1

The cover to Teen Titans (Vol 3) 1
Modern Dance Camp and the Teen Titans are the two youth clubs which require wearing spandex.
From Series: Teen Titans (Vol 3)

What Happened:

Being a teen is hard. We’ve all heard it. It’s a particle in the “facts of life” atmosphere we breathe and have yet to choke. Like “never go to bed angry” and “swimming after a big meal will kill you” it is undeniably true. Being a super-powered teen seems to be easier though! For instance, Superboy (Conner Kent) regularly skips school to go flying and do some on-brand crop circle graffiti. Fun!

Superman (Clark Kent) thinks Conner could be doing more with his time, or at least cause less of a negative effect on the nation’s wheat yield, so he signed him up for the new Teen Titans. This version of the Teen Titans is half super hero training camp and half youth group. So Conner’s weekends will now be filled with battles to the death and acoustic covers of The Goo Goo Dolls.

A multitasking Batman (Bruce Wayne) and Robin (Tim Drake) have a similar conversation while fighting for their lives. Unlike Superman, Batman isn’t concerned with Tim’s school work. He just wants Tim to see his friends more and not become a secluded weirdo. Batman is not self reflective.

The first and third men to call themselves The Flash (Jay Garrick and Wally West), debate letting Impulse (Bart Allen) join the Teen Titans. Jay thinks only being responsible for the super-speed powered teenager with ADHD four days a week instead of seven is a great idea. A GREAT idea. Wally is a little more precious with what the Teen Titans stand for and isn’t sure Bart’s ready to be held to that standard. After all, super heroes who don’t take things seriously can get people killed. They agree to give Bart a try on the Titans but Wally doesn’t expect much from Bart. Bart hears the whole exchange.

The final recruit, Wonder Girl (Cassie Sandsmark), is picked up from school by Starfire (Koriand’r) during a particular bad day. Cassie punched her principal’s desk into pieces. It’s never stated out loud but she probably broke a rule while doing this, so Cassie is pretty sure she’s in trouble. She’ll get a call home at the least.

Meeting Beast Boy (Garfield Logan) and hearing Cyborg (Victor Stone) over the loud speaker at their new headquarters The Titans Tower in the San Fransisco Bay really sets the tone for how weird the weekend is going to be for the four friends. Things were already pretty awkward between them though. The last time they hung out a bunch of people died. So hugs are given but not appreciated among the teens.

Later that night, Tim and Conner are wondering if the whole Teen Titans idea is pointless when Tim gets an email. The email is about from where the human half of Conner’s DNA comes. Tim and Conner and both shocked to read it is Lex Luthor. This is probably spam and shouldn’t be taken seriously though because we’ve all gotten that email that starts “HALF YOUR DNA IS A LEX LUTHOR SEND CREDIT CARD NOW”.

What I Learned From This Comic:

Beast Boy learned how to romance women from Tex Avery cartoons.

Writers: Geoff Johns
Pencils: Mike McKone
Inker: Marlo Alquiza
Colourist: Jeromy Cox
Letterer: Comicraft
Editors: Tom Palmer Jr., Eddie Berganza
Executive Editor: Dan DiDio

Lex Luthor Is Bad At Helping – The Final Night #2

The cover to The Final Night #2
During the end of the world everyone inhibitions are dropped and Batman just starts walking around nude I guess.

From Series: The Final Night

What Happened:

It’s been two days since the Sun Eater has taken over the sun. The planet is getting pretty brisk.

Lex Luthor returns from his vacation and joins forces with the good guys to save the world. He wants to probe the sun/Sun Eater. Working with Brainiac 5 he set up Green Lantern as such a probe. They get some data but lose track of him. Luthor is more bummed about the loss of the probe than the loss of a human being even though they are the same thing in this case.

Wonder Woman, Big Barda, Guardian, Captain Marvel Jr., and The Ray help put out an apartment fire. Ray takes one of the tenants home to her family in another country. In an act of desperation he tries to warm the land with his own powers but faints from the exertion.

Superman and Batman stop Vandal Savage from stealing the Mona Lisa. The immortal Savage was all boner hurt by the Mona Lisa when she turned him down so he arranged for this painting to be made so he could then steal the thing 5 centuries later. IT’S A LITTLE CRAZY. At the very least: this makes Vandal Savage the biggest single white dude creeper in all of the DC Universe and the DC Universe includes a character who is a single white dude called “The Creeper”.

Superman’s lack of yellow sunlight is making him rapidly losing power. Batman feels for him. Batman feels REAL bad for him, losing all his powers. “Not having powers must be terrible”, Batman probably thinks when he’s not too busy weeping for his powerless friend.

A bunch of the old retired Justice Society members are suiting up to help the crisis. They ask the original Starman, Ted Knight, if he’d like to join them. Ted gives a lame excuse that he’d probably be a better help looking at the monster in the sky with his dumb telescope. Jay Garrick is polite and pretends this makes total sense. Dude has a magic wand that can help save people in danger or he can stare at something big enough to eat the sun and take notes. Well the notes are obviously important, the choice is clear Mr. Knight!

Dusk and Black Canary are attacked by a mob. A lot of people are starting to blame Dusk for the Sun Eater’s attack. They think she led it to them. Black Canary is saved from the mob by The Flash, Nightwing, and Robin. Dusk is then saved by a new hero named Ferro.

What I Learned From This Comic:

Vandal Savage is some kind of long-con, super crazy pickup artist.

The Creators:
Writer: Karl Kesel
Penciller: Stuart Immonen
Inker: Jose Marzan, Jr.
Colorist: Patricia Mulvihill
Letterer: Gaspar Saladino
Editor: Dan Thorsland
Assistant Editor: Ali Morales