JLA #9

The cover to JLA (Vol 1) #9
Bragging about being a janitor.
From Series: JLA (Vol 1)

What Happened:

The Key has the Justice League trapped and living in virtual reality dreamworlds. He has finally figured out the equation of the DC Universe: The heroes always win. So he’s set up a device which will be powered by the Justice League realizing they’re unconscious and allow The Key to enter Negative Space. There he will be the ruler of all reality (he assumes).

Meanwhile the newest Justice League recruit, Green Arrow (Connor Hawke), has been fighting his way through the Justice League watchtower to save his teammates. He’s armed only with the original Green Arrow and his father: Ollie Queen’s trick arrows. Handcuff and boxing glove arrows aren’t the best for fighting robots but Green Arrow is making the best of the situation.

In their own dream worlds, the members of the Justice League are starting to meet each other and figure out they are in a dream (still unaware they are suppooosed to figure this out). Batman’s dream of The Joker killing his son (weird) is stopped by Superman (Clark Kent) who has dreamed he is the Green Lantern of Krypton. Wonder Woman (Diana of Themyscira) transports from her Indiana Jones dream into Aquaman’s Waterworld dream which is a lesser movie so it is a bad dream moving decision there.

The Flash (Wally West) was probably going to run into Green Lantern (Kyle Rayner) in his dream but his metabolism works so fast he was able to wake up and start helping Green Arrow.

When Green Lantern shows up as his dream version of himself, a 90’s super hero mismash of names, numbers, and backstory, Batman makes fun of him for being a baby.

The remaining team wake up together with Batman realizing too late they needed to stay asleep to keep from falling into The Key’s trap. As the portal to the negative space opens and The Key is about to take a step into his omnipotence, Green Arrow knocks him in the face with a boxing glove arrow. Everyone involved agrees it is ridiculous.

The issue ends with Batman and Superman having an awkward moment together on the roof.

What I Learned From This Comic:

Batman hates Nintendo.

The Creators:
Writer: Grant Morrison
Pencils: Oscar Jimenez
Inker: Chip Wallace
Colorist: Pat Garrahy
Letterer: Ken Lopez
Editor: Ruben Diaz

JLA #8

The cover to JLA #8
I don’t think that’s the delivery boy. Don’t open the door.
From Series: JLA (Vol 1)

What Happened:

The old Justice League villain The Key has captured members of the JLA and put them into personal virtual reality simulations. He is hoping these simulations will help him “unlock” something he is looking for. Sometimes when you’ve got a mayo jar which won’t open, you’ve got to let someone else take a crack I guess.

Superman’s simulation is that Krypton never exploded and he because the Green Lantern of it’s sector. He gets pretty much the same gig as in real life: beloved superhero getting lots of love from the ladies. Oh yeeeah! Then he finds a clue which points him in the direction of Earth.

Batman’s simulation is one where he has grown older and married Catwoman (Selena Kyle). He has retired from being Batman and handed the job over to the current Robin (Tim Drake). His own son, Bruce Jr. has become the new Robin. Now, if his son’s inexplicable red hair can be used a proof, it would seem part of Batman’s fantasy is that he is cuckolded by his wife and Commissioner Gordon. Batman just dropped one kink (fighting crime in a rubber suit) for another!

The simulation Wonder Woman (Diana of Themyscria) has been put in has her and her sometimes love interest Steve Trevor running around as Indiana Jones wannabes. Which is a great fantasy. I’ve got no complaints there. Wonder Woman nailed it.

Aquaman (Arthur Curry) does little to help his case as the DC Universe’s least interesting character by having his fantasy be that he’s Kevin Costner in Waterworld. C’mon man…

While the team is all hooked up to their machines, playing a souped up version of Second Life, the newest JLA recruit Green Arrow (Connor Hawke) arrives on the Watchtower for his scheduled test. He stumbles upon the Key doing his Key-theyng (please read this word as “key-thing”, thanks!) and tries to stop him. The battle leaves Green Arrow without his quiver. He reluctantly picks up the trick arrows of his predecessor and father Ollie Queen from the trophy room.

Back in Batman’s sick fantasy, The Joker is about to kill his son.

What I Learned From This Comic:

Try to show up for your scheduled examines a few minutes earlier than you need to.

The Creators:
Writer: Grant Morrison
Pencils: Oscar Jimenez
Inker: Chip Wallace
Colorist: Pat Garrahy
Letterer: Ken Lopez
Editor: Ruben Diaz

JLA #7

The cover to JLA (Vol 1) #7
Perspectives be damned!
From Series: JLA (Vol 1)

What Happened:

The evil angel Asmodel is attacking the city of San Francisco in order to lure out Zauriel. Zauriel is an angel who requested mortality and fell to Earth. He also knows about Asmodel’s secret plot to try to finish what Lucifer started and rebel against “The Creator”.

This is weird on many levels. First, why wouldn’t Zauriel let someone know about the secret plot? At least do it before requesting to become a mortal. It’s kind of a really big thing to space on. Keep a todo list man, try to get stuff done everyday!

Second, wouldn’t the creator know about the secret plan the second one of his angels starts attacking earth and almost killing everyone in a city? Does he need everything fed to him through email or something? And which case, why not send him that email? This is what happens when organizations get too big! Who is responsible for sending the creator of the universe the email which lets him know one of his angels is trying to destroy San Francisco?

Probably that new guy Dean.

In other news, the demon Neron is trying to crash the moon into the Earth. Superman is pretty preoccupied with trying to stop this from happening so he cannot help with the evil angels juuuust yet. Superman sets up a neat science fair project which uses his new electrical powers to magnetize the moon and push it away from the Earth.

Flash manages to free himself from being stuck between teleports by vibrating really good. IT’S HOW FLASH SOLVES ALL HIS PROBLEMS.

The Justice League, sans Superman, battle the evil angels. Well, everyone but Aquaman. He’s given the dumb job of saving people stuck in rubble. Wonder Woman and Zauriel manage to break into Asmodel’s ship and destroy his force field keeping anyone from outside the city interfering.

Superman, now with all the free time in the world shows up to battle Asmodel. Just in time too, since it was The Martian Manhunter keeping the evil Angel busy and he is looking pretty grim after a few rounds.

The Flash and Green Lantern decide to be the change they want to see in the world and build a machine which turns Flash’s vibrating into a noise. It’s a noise which is just the right frequency to stop Angels from existing in our reality. The Flash then VIBRATES REAL GOOD (See?!) and all the evil angels are sent back home.

The Justice League return to their moon base, The Watchtower, only to be ambushed by The Key. The Key was the man in the coma from previous issues and woke up after hearing The Justice League’s name. He’s now super powerful and ready to kick the Justice League-rs around!

Back on earth we find out why Zauriel wanted to be a human: to creep on a girl!

What I Learned From This Comic:

Superman beat up an angel.

The Creators:
Writer: Grant Morrison
Pencils: Howard Porter
Inker: John Dell
Colorist: Pat Garrahy
Separations: Heroic Age
Letterer: Ken Lopez
Editor: Ruben Diaz